High Standards… Let it Go

…Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Well now they know

Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don’t care what they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway.

It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seems small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all…

Disney’s Frozen “Let it Go” lyrics

On the home front, I’ve learned to let things go. My house, as my dear hubby can attest, is certainly not the picture of spotless. I do my best to stay on top of the laundry, wipe surfaces, put dishes away, and keep clutter from taking over… but that’s pretty much it. We make big meals and eat leftovers nearly all week. I pack lunches to save money but eat out on Fridays. I shoot for 5-6 workouts a week, with at least one rest day. Yes, I get upset if I miss a workout, or if my workout feels crappy, but it happens. At work, I have an inbox full of small and large tasks, questions, requests, and plenty of things I’ve forgotten to do, or am behind in doing. I could try harder to catch up, but I don’t stay late often… because it’s about balance, you know?

Lately, it’s been one thing after another. I told a friend it’s kind of like a row of those tennis ball machines lined up, all firing at me–at 90mph–all at once. I’m just trying to whack the problems away before they hit me in the face. Apparently the tennis ball machines are called Lob-sters, LOL!

This week… Asher got another cold. Which means I didn’t get a single night of good rest (until last night, only one wake-up, Praise the Lord!) When I don’t get good rest, obviously other things suffer. Somehow I managed to pull off a quick tempo run (5 miles in 43 min) on Wed., and that gave me a huge confidence boost (and worked out all the tangles) so I was feeling OK headed into Thursday…

Thursday morning, J had to get to work early, and I faced the morning routine solo–getting two kids ready, plus myself, is no joke. I thought we had more time than we did…

Gabe has been super loud & annoying lately, so I lost my temper on him several times in the car before even leaving our street. After dropping them off at daycare, I realized I had forgotten my phone at home… so I went back for it and was late to work. I hate being late. The stress began to settle in my neck and shoulders…

Work has been overwhelming pretty much since returning from maternity leave, and I’m struggling to stay on top of everything. On Thursday, a large, glaring mistake that I unknowingly made in January surfaced. When something I did (or in this case, didn’t do) causes our factory to have disruptions in manufacturing, I take it hard. Really hard. True, I didn’t do it on purpose. But the perfectionist in me absolutely hates making mistakes. And this one got plenty of bad press, which I really didn’t need, that day especially. Most days, I can take the heat and the stress. That day I wanted to bite someone’s head off, then go home and cry. The stress settled in the pit of my stomach…

And so on Thursday night, after Asher woke me up at midnight for a little snack… I had insomnia. I tossed and turned for over an hour, and finally accused J of hogging all the space. He had a nasty retort, and I broke down in tears. The problems from work, PMS, and exhaustion finally caught up to me. I was awake for almost two hours. Ughhhhh…

Yesterday (Friday) was slightly better, although I had to take Gabe to the eye doctor for a check-up, and it took forever… well, with a 4-year-old, 90 minutes is forever. I felt anxious to get to work and make sure things weren’t getting worse. At least Gabe didn’t have a melt-down, doesn’t need glasses, and I got an extra 30 min of sleep because of the 8:15 appointment.

Returning to the office… I stopped beating myself up so much, and resolved my mistake at work. I forgave the co-worker who made an immature comment about it to me the day prior. I met up with one of my besties for lunch, and she brought her sweet 8-week old baby girl 🙂 Several meetings got cancelled, and I felt like things were looking up when…. gurgle gurgle, rumble rumble. My stomach called me out on eating at a local restaurant for lunch. I had ordered veggie beef soup + grilled cheese, simply wanting comfort food. I’ve had it before, and never had a problem. Until the day prior to my race… and I had just told my girlfriend that my GI troubles subsided… And so the stress moved into my digestive system.

The gurgly stomach (aka “the runs,” ironically) continued into the evening. This does not bode well for my 10K. I took the boys with me to packet pick-up, as J had to work late. Got my “swag bag” and my bib, but did not get to make my other two important stops: recon the course (both boys were hungry/cranky), and Best Buy to replace my iPod shuffle that won’t work properly now. I guess I’ll find out how the course is while I’m on it. And I’ll have to use my phone for music. C’est la vie.

Our Friday evening tradition as of lately is to go to China Buffet over on Main St. I get rice with veggies, chicken, and shrimp. They cook it Hibachi style and it’s soooo good. I went easy on the veggies and heavy on the rice, but it didn’t help my case. Still felt crummy upon returning home. Had half a bagel before bed and just hoped for the best. Went to bed early, and thankfully slept well. The week’s problems? I just let ’em all go. I don’t want to be a worrier, controlled by fear.

Eventually, I just had to surrender it to the Lord and stop worrying. I set pretty high standards for myself, which is great until things go awry. I’m doing the best I can, and focusing on what’s important. That is enough. I saw this somewhere this week–kinda reminds me of one of my fave bloggers, who likes to say “Carry on, warriors“: